jeudi, 02 septembre 2010

I'm still mildly dazed by my physical+mental capabilities,
having prevailed against only 2.5 hours of sleep last night.
Today's been extraordinarily productive
and this sense of fulfillment is simply sublime.

Upon realising the amount of work I had piled up,
(not that I hadn't been dilligent),
I decided in the heat of the moment to give up
the Asheville-Nashville trip
during orchestra on Wednesday.

Now that the homework bombardment's
momentarily given me a break,
I'm back with my good friend
the Rational Mind
trying to figure out what I'd been thinking.

Funny. I could've sworn
I was unwittingly affected by
Shostakovich's 5th Symphony -
the warped humour of his second movement.

Did I really (and do I still) think that violin-playing
and schoolwork are endeavours
worthy of giving up
such a precious weekend?

Am I honestly so afraid of failing
that I'd give up anything
just to prevent even getting close?

Why does being the best I can possibly be
matter so much to me?
Why is it so hard to settle for a life
of normalcy?

What and to whom am I trying to prove myself?

Why do I care so much?
Why can't I stop caring?

 

If it means nothing to you,
Why - at all?